Full Circle...4 Months Later

Darryl,

What a neat surprise to hear from you. I am doing ok. Ups and downs have been a huge part of my life for the past months. With life being in a state of waiting (jobs, choices, etc.), the Lord has been teaching me how to live with purpose amidst unemployment. I was listening to a lecture the other night while hiking a mountain in the snow, and once I got to the top and overlooked my city of Lenoir, NC, it hit me that my picture frame of contentment needs to be this city. Now, I know the Lord has other place and events in store down the road, but for right now, I must be content with this redneck corner of the woods. It has been very difficult to come back to this small city and wait on the next step.

Good news, however, has just reached my ears as of yesterday. First, I got a job as a tutor at an elementary school. I've been desiring a job in education for quite some time now. Also, I should be paid according to my bachelor's, which is another plus even though it is only part time for now. Not to mention, the county in which I live has one of the highest unemployment rates of the entire state. Therefore, this is good news and should go well with driving school buses at some point soon.

Second, I still cannot shake this desire to serve the country in some way. Thus, I am very close to signing as a medic with the Army National Guard and possibly pursuing OCS down the road. This decision is not coming lightly, however, since I know what I'll be getting into:) Either way, it is simply a huge matter before the Lord. Since this tutoring job is only till May, I am debating between doing basic over the summer or doing Summit Ministries again. Any advice?

To be honest with you, I didn't expect to hear from you again. After our last talk and my decision the next day, I was not sure what would happen, if anything, between us from that point forward. I heartily needed your advice and still found the right decision to be to DOR. Either way, I was planning on contacting you at some point down the road...honestly:) I even have a friend from Bryan College, who has completed USMC OCS and will be commissioned at his college graduation in May, who would be a great fit for what you might be looking for down the road. He studied the same thing as I, and I think plans to be pilot--that or Intel, not sure. I've talked with him a bit since dropping, mentioning your name and what you do, and he seems very interested. I told him I would talk to you at some point about it.

So apart from being jobless and deeply seeking the Lord's vision over the last four months, things have been relatively productive. I've worked my way through the Truth Project (gaining a vision for ministry in this area), read many books, started doing things I've been aspiring to do for many years, kindled a new respect for the Marines and military life, been cussed out by my recruiting officers, bought a used Tahoe (I only had a motorcycle before because my sister totaled my Jetta), learned to live on very little money, gotten a tentative job editing a book, filled out too many job applications, ran, biked and hiked many miles, and been given a chance to refine important ambitions in my life before God. I still lie in anticipation as to how I will get out of debt, attend to this military ambition, and get to grad school down the road. Strangely enough, I am confident all of it will be taken care of beyond my expectations. He has given me all that my heart has desired up to this point, which is so surprising but shouldn't be; I am grateful and honored.

Thank you for checking in and praying for me.

Jason

Going to Heaven?

The main difference between what I’ve heard from popular protestant evangelicalism (Tim LaHaye, conservative missiology and missions, etc.) and Stonestreet is the emphasis on going to heaven and purpose of this present world. He would say we should not be yearning for heaven but yearning for a new earth. Thus, most of his theology will be pointed at this earth. So heaven, while having a part in theology (place for God, etc.) even for him, is almost eclipsed in its importance and motivation for our daily lives. Juxtapose this to popular Protestant evangelicalism where heaven is the only good place or focus for our lives and this earth is “going to hell in a handbasket.” The difference is in emphasis and would, if teased out with Stonestreet, lead to a vastly different theology. This places earth above heaven in importance. I find it a helpful corrective to place more emphasis on living well in this world, but there is still emphasis placed upon yearning for a heavenward dwelling. So he makes a good point, but it is simply a shift to the other end of the spectrum. All you have to do is find a couple controversial articles by N.T. Wright on this issue and you will probably have a theologian that Stonestreet likes. Wright actually wrote one on how all the verses dealing with “going to heaven” are misused and we may not be going there. Check them out.

My Story

Have you ever wondered why a seed has to die in order for it to sprout? Or why pain is involved in the process of becoming stronger? More and more, I am convinced that we learn the most through trials and failures in life. There have been two major events in my life that challenged me in the Faith. The first was the death of my father; the second was two dark years of doubt about Christianity.

My father passed away on Monday, November 6, 2000. He was fifty-four years old. I had gone to school that morning knowing that it may be his last day. The previous evening had been a time for me to say last words to him and tell him I loved him. This was a one-sided conversation due to his vegetative state over the previous three weeks. My mother, who was a nurse, had chosen to keep him at home for his remaining days and allowed Hospice to care for him. This was not the first time anyone had bathed, changed, and carried him; my mother and I had been doing this periodically for the last ten months. During those ten months, he had a relapse of cancer from five years previous, surgery to remove a major tumor on the frontal lobe, and entered a terminal waiting period through the summer months and into the fall. I had cared for my dad ever since February of that year when he started waking up in the middle of the night and voiding in the corner of his room in Indonesia.

You see, my parents were missionaries in Indonesia. We had lived in the Da’an tribe in the middle of the island of Borneo for 15 years. My father was the evangelist and discipler of the team. When the cancer hit, I watched him enter this vegetative state and did not associate it with cancer; I only thought it was my father going crazy. I was with him when we traveled to Singapore, where his doctor told my mother to return to the US because it was terminal. I had become the man of the family as my two older brothers and one older sister were on their own in the US. I was with my father when he had surgery in Winston-Salem, and when he went through rehab. I watched him recover through the summer and digress in the fall. When I received the call at school on that Monday morning, I immediately drove the ten minutes home. He died in those ten minutes. I was 16 years old.

Fast forward to the second event. In 2004, on the streets of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I discussed at length my faith in Christianity with a disciple of Nietzsche—an atheist/agnostic. After a three-hour conversation, it was as if a switch was flicked in my mind to question everything. I had told him that I wished I thought the way he thought just so I could explain my faith in a way he would accept. As I walked away, I began to question everything. In fact, this lasted for the next two years and covered questions of the existence of truth, God, reality, myself, Biblical authority, life’s meaning and purpose, beauty, and goodness.

I was snagged as a youth intern after this and was paid to be an example of Christ before the youth. My days typically went from “faith to faith.” I would start the day and simply have to say, “God, I trust your word, even though I have many questions. Use me if you can.” I would go, live out Christ, and then come home. Once I got home, the questions set in again. I mean, I would be out running and wondering why the ground was holding me up or be typing and wonder what was keeping my fingers from going through the keyboard. They were mainly epistemological questions. When I found an answer to one question, ten more would pop up in its place. It was during this time that my boss and pastor recommending I read Ravi Zacharias’s Can Man Live Without God. As the summer wore on, I got worse and worse. In fact, my brother returned from Indonesia that summer and saw the toll these questions had taken on me. I broke down just telling him what was going on. He proceeded to encourage me and tell me I should take the time to find answers. That was meaningful to have his support.

Strangely enough, it was that summer that some of my youth went through Summit, and I went to see them graduate. I was blown away that there was a whole ministry devoted to knowing answers to all of those questions that Nietzschean asked. Thus, I logged away Bryan College as a good place to go college if I would ever return to school. I stayed on throughout the next school year, but the question did not go away. I began to lose my moral compass and delved into areas I should not. I found that my view of goodness, right, wrong, and beauty being distorted porn. Since I was doubting the very existence of God and his word, why would fleshly desires be so bad? I also slept a lot, since that was the best way to get away from the questions. It actually became sort of depressive, and life began to lose its meaning. It didn’t help that I was living on my own at the time. In time, I wanted a way to step away from the ministry, get out of leadership for a bit, and take time to study and address these issues.

The chance came when I decided to apply and was accepted to Bryan College the following spring. Once I got there, I found professors telling me that they saw struggle in my life, and that was a sign of life not death. This was one of the most encouraging things they could say, since I felt like I was dying. My life was all about Christianity up to this time of doubting, so it felt like parts of my soul were being destroyed and not used at all. If Christianity wasn’t true, life was not worth living. However, as I was embraced and discipled at Bryan, I began to see God was big enough to handle my questions. He was patient and simply waiting on me to trust him again. I also realized that there were plenty of Biblical characters who struggled against God and had big questions, from Job to Moses to David to Christ to Thomas to Paul. Sometimes God expressly answered their questions, other times he let them vent for a while then let them come around. By the end of my freshman year, I sat down to reflect upon my journey.

I realized that the doubt had begun an academic doubt and turned to volitional doubt. I had simply not known the arguments or how to think about what that guy said. Over the course of two years, it had turned to a comfortable place where I could just ask questions and never take a stand. Doubting is easy; standing on answers takes courage and trust. Thus, that spring semester I finally sat down and went over the things I then knew to be true: God, Jesus incarnate, fallen sinners, world needing redemption, etc. Call it a rededication or whatever, but I finally took a stand on the things I knew to be true. Sure, I would have questions for the rest of my life, but I can know some things. It was from that point on that Bryan served as a place to build me back in the Faith. I started to be relational again. I started reading the Bible and realized I should’ve been reading it all along. I actually got answers to philosophical questions. Before, I thought it would only give me some theological questions. Finally, I noticed that the more I talked about my questions, the more people could help. Sometimes, others had the same questions, and two minds were better than one; I wasn’t alone in this.

Remember I said I believe we learn the most through trials and failures. The death of my father and two years of faith-rattling doubt has taught me much. Granted, there have been many more areas that, but these were some of the bigger chapter headings in my life. It was from this second event that I learned to mourn the impact of the first event. Skepticism and agnosticism helped heal the wounds from the death of my father. The death of my father removed the guardian at the gates of skepticism and agnosticism. Ironically, both events have led to a more beautiful and holistic view of Christianity and life.

Those times were extremely hard. Remember Hebrew 12:11: All discipline is but for the moment. But in the end, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Please, please, please, I beg you, don’t give up. God is a patient Father, waiting with open arm to welcome you back in his presence.

Why Study the Bible?

These are a few points Doc Noebel (President of Summit) makes throughout his "Bible Hours":

It is a part of world literature.

It has had great influence on this country.

It is the mark of an educated man or woman.

It is the mark of a moral man.

It is the mark of a free man.

It is not unscientific.

It is not unphilosophical.

It tells us to.

Last Day of Session Two

I'm standing in the classroom listening to the power of God in a student's life. She is telling her story to my fellow Classroom Director, Koryn. Six of us shared our testimonies last night. It was surprising how diverse the testimonies were. I shared on doubt, and others shared on wreckless life, identity, porn, pride and family relationships, and drug addictions. It was a rich and thoughtful time.

Now, the time with 177 students is closing. They are returning to their homes for various events through the summer. Some will simply play video games while others change the world. Can we expect leadership from 16 year-olds? In a sense, yes. Not everyone will be a leader, but everyone is led by God in some respect. Some will excel into spheres needing Christians. Others will support their leaders well. Father in heaven, use these willing vessels greatly.

Academics and Sports

Life is finally sorting out, and I'm settling in to the busy schedule. I'll be getting my bus license next week. I'm listening to great speakers all the time and more and more realizing the state of colleges and culture today. Mr. Stonestreet is speaking on postmodernism at the moment. Tonight, students will be thinking upon femininity and masculinity. Then, small groups are after. If I could pay for my neighbor, Jawon, to come or go to one of the conferences, I would. I think it is that important. Life is communal, and there is a good sense of accountability. Sports times are intense, and we do much media stuff. Students hiked Pikes Peak yesterday (Sunday), and others went whitewater rafting. Despite all the academics, oh and the 180 question Bible exam, they don't want to leave at the end of the two weeks. For 182 high school- and college-age kids to say that, there must be something significant happening here. In general, I love the staff, have started a book on the theology of possessions, have great coffee everyday, and hike the mountains of CO sometimes twice or three times a week. It is a good break from life in NC. I'm tired, but rest is near.

Mystical Words

What do words mean? They mean reason, logic, logos, conversation, meaning, history, truth. It also means the Word of God. John 1:1-14 says, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life and the life was the light of men...And the word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." In a sense, Christ is also word, Truthful word--the Word of God. Now let me explain myself before that statement is taken as deifying words or demonizing Christ.

God is Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. How does God communicate with us? He has talked with humanity through all three of the persons, but He does so with the use of words. This is why we have language. It is a reflection of the image of God (Gen. 1:27); it is one of the things that separates us from the rest of creation. It is God's original way of communication. This is why the Bible is written word; why we have names; why literacy is so important. (I find this hard to accept when world missions is in perspective. God does communicate with other means--dreams, creation, people. However, His most enduring, specific communication has been written down in the Bible. Anybody without access to the Bible is going to miss out on the Truth setting them free through justification, sanctification, church leadership, etc.)

Words are one of the most important things in this world. One way to think of words is a relationship between persons. Words are not deity in themselves, but they are an extension of the person speaking them. This is why the crowd fell back when Jesus spoke to them in the garden. "So when He said to them, 'I am He,' they drew back and fell to the ground" (John 18:6). As Christ is God, his words contain the power of God in whatever intentional way he desires. God created the universe with his words. "Then God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light" (Gen. 1:3). God spoke all of creation into being with the very use of his words.

One role of words in the Christian's life is for the renewing of the mind. First of all, we are to love God with all of our being; our mind is included in this. "So this I say, and affirm to together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart...But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, ...and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of truth. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:17-25). Keys to the Christian life are found in understanding, knowledge, and knowing Christ (Phil. 3:10). This is known and processed by the renewing of our mind. Please notice that I am not saying the renewing of the mind is the only way of sanctification in the Christian life. This is simply one way. I think of the mind as the one compartment of the immaterial soul that deals with words. We also have a compartment known as the spirit, which is animated upon salvation by the Holy Spirit (My Bryan College thesis is on the soul, so I won't explain further here.). Both mind and spirit is connected immaterially, influence one another, and in turn, drive the rest of the soul and body. The mind runs on words; the machinery in the mind is reason. When God speaks (i.e. the Bible, Jesus words, etc.), his words are powerful and have the capacity to renew the mind, enabling us to know truth and grow.

Thus, concerning the statement that Christ is also word, Truthful word, the Bible's words are a key to conforming to the image of Christ. His word is alive and sharp. Christ's power is still with us through animation of the Spirit and the Bible. It is not the physical book or the printed word that contains deity, but the relationship and meaning inherent in the words. We should not worship the Bible itself but know that the words contained are intimately an extension of the Godhead. Truth in word form are the chosen method of transferring power and liberating the Fallen world. Knowing words and their power reveals a realm that sits skin to skin touching to the Trinity. Call it mysticism; call it what you may. Just know there is deep significance to words, especially when God uses them.