Going to Heaven?

The main difference between what I’ve heard from popular protestant evangelicalism (Tim LaHaye, conservative missiology and missions, etc.) and Stonestreet is the emphasis on going to heaven and purpose of this present world. He would say we should not be yearning for heaven but yearning for a new earth. Thus, most of his theology will be pointed at this earth. So heaven, while having a part in theology (place for God, etc.) even for him, is almost eclipsed in its importance and motivation for our daily lives. Juxtapose this to popular Protestant evangelicalism where heaven is the only good place or focus for our lives and this earth is “going to hell in a handbasket.” The difference is in emphasis and would, if teased out with Stonestreet, lead to a vastly different theology. This places earth above heaven in importance. I find it a helpful corrective to place more emphasis on living well in this world, but there is still emphasis placed upon yearning for a heavenward dwelling. So he makes a good point, but it is simply a shift to the other end of the spectrum. All you have to do is find a couple controversial articles by N.T. Wright on this issue and you will probably have a theologian that Stonestreet likes. Wright actually wrote one on how all the verses dealing with “going to heaven” are misused and we may not be going there. Check them out.

My Story

Have you ever wondered why a seed has to die in order for it to sprout? Or why pain is involved in the process of becoming stronger? More and more, I am convinced that we learn the most through trials and failures in life. There have been two major events in my life that challenged me in the Faith. The first was the death of my father; the second was two dark years of doubt about Christianity.

My father passed away on Monday, November 6, 2000. He was fifty-four years old. I had gone to school that morning knowing that it may be his last day. The previous evening had been a time for me to say last words to him and tell him I loved him. This was a one-sided conversation due to his vegetative state over the previous three weeks. My mother, who was a nurse, had chosen to keep him at home for his remaining days and allowed Hospice to care for him. This was not the first time anyone had bathed, changed, and carried him; my mother and I had been doing this periodically for the last ten months. During those ten months, he had a relapse of cancer from five years previous, surgery to remove a major tumor on the frontal lobe, and entered a terminal waiting period through the summer months and into the fall. I had cared for my dad ever since February of that year when he started waking up in the middle of the night and voiding in the corner of his room in Indonesia.

You see, my parents were missionaries in Indonesia. We had lived in the Da’an tribe in the middle of the island of Borneo for 15 years. My father was the evangelist and discipler of the team. When the cancer hit, I watched him enter this vegetative state and did not associate it with cancer; I only thought it was my father going crazy. I was with him when we traveled to Singapore, where his doctor told my mother to return to the US because it was terminal. I had become the man of the family as my two older brothers and one older sister were on their own in the US. I was with my father when he had surgery in Winston-Salem, and when he went through rehab. I watched him recover through the summer and digress in the fall. When I received the call at school on that Monday morning, I immediately drove the ten minutes home. He died in those ten minutes. I was 16 years old.

Fast forward to the second event. In 2004, on the streets of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I discussed at length my faith in Christianity with a disciple of Nietzsche—an atheist/agnostic. After a three-hour conversation, it was as if a switch was flicked in my mind to question everything. I had told him that I wished I thought the way he thought just so I could explain my faith in a way he would accept. As I walked away, I began to question everything. In fact, this lasted for the next two years and covered questions of the existence of truth, God, reality, myself, Biblical authority, life’s meaning and purpose, beauty, and goodness.

I was snagged as a youth intern after this and was paid to be an example of Christ before the youth. My days typically went from “faith to faith.” I would start the day and simply have to say, “God, I trust your word, even though I have many questions. Use me if you can.” I would go, live out Christ, and then come home. Once I got home, the questions set in again. I mean, I would be out running and wondering why the ground was holding me up or be typing and wonder what was keeping my fingers from going through the keyboard. They were mainly epistemological questions. When I found an answer to one question, ten more would pop up in its place. It was during this time that my boss and pastor recommending I read Ravi Zacharias’s Can Man Live Without God. As the summer wore on, I got worse and worse. In fact, my brother returned from Indonesia that summer and saw the toll these questions had taken on me. I broke down just telling him what was going on. He proceeded to encourage me and tell me I should take the time to find answers. That was meaningful to have his support.

Strangely enough, it was that summer that some of my youth went through Summit, and I went to see them graduate. I was blown away that there was a whole ministry devoted to knowing answers to all of those questions that Nietzschean asked. Thus, I logged away Bryan College as a good place to go college if I would ever return to school. I stayed on throughout the next school year, but the question did not go away. I began to lose my moral compass and delved into areas I should not. I found that my view of goodness, right, wrong, and beauty being distorted porn. Since I was doubting the very existence of God and his word, why would fleshly desires be so bad? I also slept a lot, since that was the best way to get away from the questions. It actually became sort of depressive, and life began to lose its meaning. It didn’t help that I was living on my own at the time. In time, I wanted a way to step away from the ministry, get out of leadership for a bit, and take time to study and address these issues.

The chance came when I decided to apply and was accepted to Bryan College the following spring. Once I got there, I found professors telling me that they saw struggle in my life, and that was a sign of life not death. This was one of the most encouraging things they could say, since I felt like I was dying. My life was all about Christianity up to this time of doubting, so it felt like parts of my soul were being destroyed and not used at all. If Christianity wasn’t true, life was not worth living. However, as I was embraced and discipled at Bryan, I began to see God was big enough to handle my questions. He was patient and simply waiting on me to trust him again. I also realized that there were plenty of Biblical characters who struggled against God and had big questions, from Job to Moses to David to Christ to Thomas to Paul. Sometimes God expressly answered their questions, other times he let them vent for a while then let them come around. By the end of my freshman year, I sat down to reflect upon my journey.

I realized that the doubt had begun an academic doubt and turned to volitional doubt. I had simply not known the arguments or how to think about what that guy said. Over the course of two years, it had turned to a comfortable place where I could just ask questions and never take a stand. Doubting is easy; standing on answers takes courage and trust. Thus, that spring semester I finally sat down and went over the things I then knew to be true: God, Jesus incarnate, fallen sinners, world needing redemption, etc. Call it a rededication or whatever, but I finally took a stand on the things I knew to be true. Sure, I would have questions for the rest of my life, but I can know some things. It was from that point on that Bryan served as a place to build me back in the Faith. I started to be relational again. I started reading the Bible and realized I should’ve been reading it all along. I actually got answers to philosophical questions. Before, I thought it would only give me some theological questions. Finally, I noticed that the more I talked about my questions, the more people could help. Sometimes, others had the same questions, and two minds were better than one; I wasn’t alone in this.

Remember I said I believe we learn the most through trials and failures. The death of my father and two years of faith-rattling doubt has taught me much. Granted, there have been many more areas that, but these were some of the bigger chapter headings in my life. It was from this second event that I learned to mourn the impact of the first event. Skepticism and agnosticism helped heal the wounds from the death of my father. The death of my father removed the guardian at the gates of skepticism and agnosticism. Ironically, both events have led to a more beautiful and holistic view of Christianity and life.

Those times were extremely hard. Remember Hebrew 12:11: All discipline is but for the moment. But in the end, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Please, please, please, I beg you, don’t give up. God is a patient Father, waiting with open arm to welcome you back in his presence.

Why Study the Bible?

These are a few points Doc Noebel (President of Summit) makes throughout his "Bible Hours":

It is a part of world literature.

It has had great influence on this country.

It is the mark of an educated man or woman.

It is the mark of a moral man.

It is the mark of a free man.

It is not unscientific.

It is not unphilosophical.

It tells us to.

Last Day of Session Two

I'm standing in the classroom listening to the power of God in a student's life. She is telling her story to my fellow Classroom Director, Koryn. Six of us shared our testimonies last night. It was surprising how diverse the testimonies were. I shared on doubt, and others shared on wreckless life, identity, porn, pride and family relationships, and drug addictions. It was a rich and thoughtful time.

Now, the time with 177 students is closing. They are returning to their homes for various events through the summer. Some will simply play video games while others change the world. Can we expect leadership from 16 year-olds? In a sense, yes. Not everyone will be a leader, but everyone is led by God in some respect. Some will excel into spheres needing Christians. Others will support their leaders well. Father in heaven, use these willing vessels greatly.

Academics and Sports

Life is finally sorting out, and I'm settling in to the busy schedule. I'll be getting my bus license next week. I'm listening to great speakers all the time and more and more realizing the state of colleges and culture today. Mr. Stonestreet is speaking on postmodernism at the moment. Tonight, students will be thinking upon femininity and masculinity. Then, small groups are after. If I could pay for my neighbor, Jawon, to come or go to one of the conferences, I would. I think it is that important. Life is communal, and there is a good sense of accountability. Sports times are intense, and we do much media stuff. Students hiked Pikes Peak yesterday (Sunday), and others went whitewater rafting. Despite all the academics, oh and the 180 question Bible exam, they don't want to leave at the end of the two weeks. For 182 high school- and college-age kids to say that, there must be something significant happening here. In general, I love the staff, have started a book on the theology of possessions, have great coffee everyday, and hike the mountains of CO sometimes twice or three times a week. It is a good break from life in NC. I'm tired, but rest is near.

Mystical Words

What do words mean? They mean reason, logic, logos, conversation, meaning, history, truth. It also means the Word of God. John 1:1-14 says, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life and the life was the light of men...And the word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." In a sense, Christ is also word, Truthful word--the Word of God. Now let me explain myself before that statement is taken as deifying words or demonizing Christ.

God is Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. How does God communicate with us? He has talked with humanity through all three of the persons, but He does so with the use of words. This is why we have language. It is a reflection of the image of God (Gen. 1:27); it is one of the things that separates us from the rest of creation. It is God's original way of communication. This is why the Bible is written word; why we have names; why literacy is so important. (I find this hard to accept when world missions is in perspective. God does communicate with other means--dreams, creation, people. However, His most enduring, specific communication has been written down in the Bible. Anybody without access to the Bible is going to miss out on the Truth setting them free through justification, sanctification, church leadership, etc.)

Words are one of the most important things in this world. One way to think of words is a relationship between persons. Words are not deity in themselves, but they are an extension of the person speaking them. This is why the crowd fell back when Jesus spoke to them in the garden. "So when He said to them, 'I am He,' they drew back and fell to the ground" (John 18:6). As Christ is God, his words contain the power of God in whatever intentional way he desires. God created the universe with his words. "Then God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light" (Gen. 1:3). God spoke all of creation into being with the very use of his words.

One role of words in the Christian's life is for the renewing of the mind. First of all, we are to love God with all of our being; our mind is included in this. "So this I say, and affirm to together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart...But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, ...and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of truth. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:17-25). Keys to the Christian life are found in understanding, knowledge, and knowing Christ (Phil. 3:10). This is known and processed by the renewing of our mind. Please notice that I am not saying the renewing of the mind is the only way of sanctification in the Christian life. This is simply one way. I think of the mind as the one compartment of the immaterial soul that deals with words. We also have a compartment known as the spirit, which is animated upon salvation by the Holy Spirit (My Bryan College thesis is on the soul, so I won't explain further here.). Both mind and spirit is connected immaterially, influence one another, and in turn, drive the rest of the soul and body. The mind runs on words; the machinery in the mind is reason. When God speaks (i.e. the Bible, Jesus words, etc.), his words are powerful and have the capacity to renew the mind, enabling us to know truth and grow.

Thus, concerning the statement that Christ is also word, Truthful word, the Bible's words are a key to conforming to the image of Christ. His word is alive and sharp. Christ's power is still with us through animation of the Spirit and the Bible. It is not the physical book or the printed word that contains deity, but the relationship and meaning inherent in the words. We should not worship the Bible itself but know that the words contained are intimately an extension of the Godhead. Truth in word form are the chosen method of transferring power and liberating the Fallen world. Knowing words and their power reveals a realm that sits skin to skin touching to the Trinity. Call it mysticism; call it what you may. Just know there is deep significance to words, especially when God uses them.

Colorado CDL Permit

I got my Colorado CDL permit yesterday, after failing 2 out of 3 tests and retaking them the same day. I failed!? I generally don't fail tests. There was a general knowledge test (50 q's), an airbrakes test (25), and a passenger test (20). I failed general and passenger. I should've passed those and failed the airbrakes'. Weird. In the time up until "Congratulations, you passed this test!" flashed up on the screen for the last two tests, I was freaked out. I feared failing Summit Ministries, since they were the ones paying for it all. I feared continual failure, never being able to take tests again. I feared extrapolation of that failure to other areas of life and not being able to excel at anything. In general, it was scary. I knew I must continue on and get up again. Failure and fear can multiply exponentially to cease life as a whole. Thankfully, God is gracious and supplies strength when needed, even when not needed or noticed. Proverbs 24:16, "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity." Now, I only have to go through a four hour driving test...on my own...in a bus...soon...and deal with that fear in order to get my full CDL. Strange how life never ceases to be challenging. Let's not talk about the Marine Corps OCS yet.

Connecting the Dots

Contentment comes in various forms throughout life. Sometimes it is in the form of happiness, and other times it simply reveals what should have been there all along. 

I had said that I would come back by and thank him for fixing my tranny. I make a habit of keeping my word. He fixed it four years ago. It took him about 3 days to complete the task, if I remember correctly. He was an transmission specialist with 30 years experience; it should've been only several hours. He said he would charge me $60 for the job. Professionals simply charge for the job, not the hours it takes. When he finished the job 3 days later, he knew well how my VW Jetta manual transmission functioned. He kept his word. I paid him.

He wanted me to test it out. I took the repaired tranny home and snugged it up under the hood in between the engine and left front tire. The whole process was informative and quality enhancing. The tranny worked fine, until the reverse gear popped out again. Darn. That's when I found the real cause of the problem--the linkage. I found some new nobs, slid them on, and found that I had already damaged the new reverse gear the specialist had installed. I decided to live with it instead of pulling the tranny again and making him extend me another favor. I just couldn't go very fast in reverse, even though speed is an essential component to performing doughnuts. 

My sister flipped the Jetta a couple months ago. I salvaged it for $400 and added another $500 to pay for a motorcycle. On my way to a distant bank location one day, it crossed my mind that I had never thanked "Bob" for fixing my tranny. After finding the right road, I rolled down to his garage--or what used to be. No one there. Pulling back up to his house, I comfortably--and somewhat pridefully--alighted my bike and rang the doorbell. "Bob" answered the door. I explained who I was; he vaguely remembered me. I thanked him. He didn't think much of it, or at least he didn't show it on his face. I was secretly wanting to show him that our rising generation still respects their elders and is grateful for the skill and ethic the grandparents and parents instill into their craft. Maybe it was too late. "Better late than never" may have found an exception.

The conversation was brief. I said goodbye and returned to my bike. In the few steps from the porch to the motorcycle, there was something satisfying about what just happened that shouted, "This is what life is all about. Not all of it, of course, but there is something about a brief and good end to a long story, a favor, a received complement, a gracious understanding that provides closure to unfulfilled words." It was a simple, 5 minute task that connected 4 years of dots. After all, I had been trying to stop by his place any time I went out that way to the bank and never had. One thought, one detour, one conversation consummated four years worth of unsettled soul into contentment.

There's something about the design of life that mystifies me. All that time, I could tell my failed efforts were going against design, or what should be. In a moment, everything fell into its place.

Though I Fall, I Will Rise

"Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me." Micah 7:8. This verse is from a sermon I recently listened to entitled, "How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause." Listen to John Piper's message right here.

Sermons are not of this caliber or topic in the local church. Why is this? Or why is it an issue in the first place? These are questions too large for this post to contain at the moment. Maybe later.

Favorite Websites

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds" (Romans 12:2) with these favorite websites:

www.bethinking.org - Your one-stop-shop for free lectures on almost any philosophical/theological/societal issue by the brightest minds within evangelical Christianity. I heard of it by way of L'Abri but since have noticed Summit and others using it also. It's FREE; you are without excuse now.

www.drudgereport.com - This is my favorite "what are the quick highlights that are happening on the national and international level" news spot. Matt Drudge does a good job here, even though sometimes he can lean a bit too far left or get caught up only on politics--ignoring the many other pressing issues of the day.

www.ntm.org - New Tribes Mission. The best tribal church planting mission organization I know of. Don't worry, I'm trying not to be biased, even though my whole family is with them or has been. They know discipleship and cross-cultural awareness well. In fact, their discipleship theology is fruitful, pragmatic, and evidenced by the Holy Spirit. They are known for their chronological teaching of the Bible.

www.summit.org - Great lectures and resources for general worldview issues. One of the best ministries I know of that seeks to prepare the high school- and college-aged student to survive and thrive in the world of ideas. Their passion comes from the problem of churches not preparing the younger generations to carry on in the Faith. They know youth culture well.

www.bryan.edu - Some good podcasts available here.

www.kidsinmind.com - A site devoted to rating movies according to drugs, sex, and alcohol. Just kidding. They rate by a scale of 1-10 on: sex and nudity, violence and gore, and profanity. Just be careful, the descriptions can become gratuitous and graphic.

www.imdb.com - General movie database with lots of info.

www.cpyu.org - Center for Parent/Youth Understanding: Understanding Culture to Impact Culture. If you have kids/youth or are around them and want to know what's hot in their lives, the site is a must. They are creative, intelligent, and realistic. They give you links to the actual hotspots on the web where teens frequent. Check it out.

www.ijm.org - International Justice Mission is one of the few Evangelical NGOs/human rights agencies that fights human trafficking and the like. They know social justice issues. They are non-partisan and non-denominational. Their motto is: Seek justice, protect the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow (Is. 1:17).

www.labri.org - If you're looking for a place to get away, study, be nurtured, or ask hard questions, go to L'Abri. They have seven locations around the world, with two in the US: Massachusetts and Minnesota. It's like $20-30 a day (covers meals too), and you can drop in at a moment's notice. There are some thoughtful Christian mentors at these locations. They tend to be Calvinistic, but don't let that deter you from body of Christ fellowship.

www.biblicaltraining.org - Don't have time or money to take a class or go to seminary to learn more about your faith and God? This site offers downloads of whole semester seminary classes by names like Dr. William Mounce, John Piper, and Ron Nash...for FREE. No strings attached.

www.ted.com - Some the world's most innovative minds (Bill Gates, Jane Goodall, and many more you won't know) giving free video lectures on any topic imaginable (technology, entertainment, design, business, science, and global issues). They are generally clear, creative, concise, weird, and funny. However, they will challenge and blow your mind.

Super Soaked Socks

The trip to FL and NH--where should I start? I could talk about the 24 hr trip from NC to Miami on the new Honda, the few extra days in Orlando with Mom, the great flight to NH to visit the Plattes and the grandparents, hiking 3 snowy peaks in the White Mountains along an 8 mile loop, or stopping off on my way back to NC in Hilton Head, SC, for 6 hrs to see an old friend/prof from Bryan and then driving the last hrs through the night, only to get soaked and frozen for 3 of them. Any of those would offer good detail to my overall Spring break trip, but I'll spare most of the details.

*A shot of my Honda VF 700 Interceptor when I stopped in Jacksonville, FL, on the way home on Sunday, April 19th. Yes, that is the pack I carried everything in.

I will say that Mom is a cyclist at heart. She is the one who scrounged up a second helmet; the one who wanted to go for a second ride before I left to NH; the one who hopes to get another ride in the future. I think this is downright clutch.

*Mt. Lafayette, some weird Cliff Bar gel, and I.

The eight-mile loop Jeremiah and I hiked took us over three snowy peaks: Haystack, Lincoln, and Lafayette. They were all about 5,000 footers. The trail was pack full of snow, ice, and slush. We were slipping all over the place with our tennis shoes, since Jeremiah had banked on all the snow being melted by this time of year. He was wrong. I kept making pokes at him about this the whole way up...and down. No problem though--ours shoes got surprisingly clean through all that snow and skiing. We had also wisely (I'd like to think) packed an extra pair of socks in our packs for the odd occurrence of our feet becoming wet. They were soaked. Twice.

*A cell phone shot of my grandparent and I. Terrible photographer and camera. Good fun though.

Overall, the trip was needed and fun. I hadn't seen my grandparents for about three (I think...) years, and the time was ripe for a visit. This was also probably the last time I would see Jeremiah and Becca before they left overseas. Even though I was ready to get back and stop spending money, it was good to see everyone and be reminded of the work of the Spirit in other places.

On Why I Should Desire to Serve in the US Military

1. Main Idea

2. History of the Idea

3. Main Reasons for Military Service

   1. God’s Will and Guidance

   2. Worthy Venture in This Present Dispensation

   3. Dad in the Air Force

   4. Becoming Debt-free

   5. Foundational Preparation for Life and Ministry

   6. Learn Fighting and National Defense

   7. Reasonable Explanation

4. Opposition Received from Christians

   1. Waste of Time

   2. Fleshly Indulgence

   3. Christians Backslide

   4. Heathen Perishing

   5. Legalism

5. Recent Questions and Thoughts

   1. Christianity and War

   2. Design

   3. Leadership and Christianity

   4. Officer

   5. Combat or Not?

   6. What about Iraq?

   7. President Obama

   8. Marines?!

   9. Stupid Bureaucracy

   10. What drives me?

6. Conclusion

   1. Gospel and Discipleship

   2. On Death and Dying

   3. Prayer

7. Research

Main Idea

This paper has come about as a response to questions received from others or questions born from my own soul. It is a personal endeavor to think through the choice of going into the US military. I try to be thorough but had to draw the line somewhere, since it got rather lengthy. It is divided into sections and outlined for the reader to read whatever section she desires. If it is read as a whole, the reader may find repetition of thought in various sections. Some is needed; however, I tried to keep it to a minimum. Finally, as with all writing, it is a process and therefore not perfect. Please be concerned with the ideas.

I have always desired to “be all things to all men.” As I’ve progressed with life’s choices, each decision has actually separated me from the ten thousand other paths possible at that moment. Maybe it is permissible to say no to some “men.” The amount of people and opportunities turned away with my decision and time in the military is daunting. This is something I must do though. Service in the US military for me is a call of permission and duty before God and country, a personal desire, and a reasonable path in this present age. Inherent to this discussion is that the military is necessary for life, even my life. Before I arrive at these conclusions, I must explore some background.

History of the Idea

For the last several years, I have been wondering what role a country on this earth should play in my life. Contingent upon remembering correctly, I began this wrestling match of whether to serve in our nation’s military directly after New Tribes Bible Institute (NTBI). This was a terrible chapter in my life, because I doubted the very existence of God and my purpose in life. I had planned to go on straight with New Tribes Mission in the fall of 2004 but could not, because I was not sold out or on fire for the work of God. I had too many internal, soulish issues to sort out.

My life has taken a diverse path since. Looking back, I explain it by a two-sided coin of God’s sovereignty and my free will. However one desires to look at my life up to this point, it has been those two things. Of course, there was always at work in and around me the world, flesh, and devil—that powerful, roaring lion. Because I was fighting for my very life—literally, for I was wrestling with doubt, agnosticism, depression, pornography, and faith—during the time after NTBI and into my first year at Bryan College, some of the events and decisions in my life can be explained through my choices and temptations, while others only through God’s grace and guidance. I only stand alive and rebuilt in the Faith on account of the Christian community around me and God’s pursuit of His child. I know too many who have gone through the same or far worse experiences, and the result was death or abandoning of the Faith. This is one reason I consider Bryan to be my L’Abri, but maybe I should keep that for later. After all, this is an attempt to explain my desire to enter the military, to show why I think it is necessary for life in general, to see whether Christians are allowed to serve and kill. It is not meant to be wholly reactionary, but alas there is a chunk of that in these pages also.

There is generally much history to an idea or choice, and it is my desire to explain a little of that history here. When I graduated from NTBI, the thoughts of joining the military were there, but I did not have much reason to support them. It was more of a feeling with which I didn’t know what to do. I can vividly remember some conversations on the topic with my family and pastoral bosses at the time. My father died in 2000, and this was 2004. I remember talking to them about the fact that, as Americans, we have a duty to our country, especially if we were to bear the citizenship of the United States abroad in foreign countries as missionaries. I felt that there would be some mistake to hold and use all the great benefits of citizenship without giving something back or serving the country in some way. I did take part in certain things as paying taxes and voting that are duties for citizens, but I also felt there should be something more. I thought for all the time missionaries spend abroad, there was not an equal show of thanks in respect to their home country that would most likely protect and even give lives for the missionaries’ well-being. I got the idea from those around me in NTBI that—philosophically and theologically—citizenship, earthly duties, and the like were things best left for the world; the most important thing for Christians to do was to get the Gospel to the ends of the earth, for the heathen were dying every second of every day. There seemed to be no merging of the Gospel with earthly, “worldly” responsibilities. Thus, earthly citizenship was the evil opposite to heavenly citizenship, and military service falls under earthly, American citizenship. These were some of the ideas I had to combat in my mind as I sought to merge the desire to serve in the military with my Faith and understanding of the Word of God.

The “head in heaven and feet on earth” outlook on life was not wholly proposed by friends and family or by NTBI, but, as I look back and attempt to explain my journey, parts of the iceberg emerged on those various surfaces. It merely seemed that any feeling or thought I had concerning a more positive view of the military was met with spiritual criticism and opposition.

As mentioned above, I had numerous conversations with family and friends during years from NTBI till now. One of the first conversations was concerning was freedom. I did not understand freedom and thought that most Americans really didn’t either. If I served in the military, I would see what goes on behind the curtain of freedom. The common notion of men and women having died for our freedom was what I had in mind; the idea that we don’t know what we have until we lose it. I knew this was the case with my father having passed away. I missed him and knew what it was like without him. I wondered if freedom was the same; there is much more to freedom than simply taking it for granted and not understanding how we got it in the first place.¹ The response to this desire to know freedom was met with true freedom being found only through Christ (i.e. Jn. 8: 31-32, “So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, ‘If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.1’”), and it would be better to study freedom from that perspective versus subjecting myself to the military. The person also said there were other ways of understanding the cost of freedom than by limiting myself in various ways. Thus, I got the idea that subjecting myself to the military was worldly, risky, and wasteful—not something I should spend time on or pursue.

Citizenship was the other part of that conversation. I wondered what duties came along with my American citizenship, especially if I was going to bear that citizenship abroad as a missionary. Citizenship seemed to be a benefit missionaries took advantage of without any thought to the cost of it. I was quickly met with Philippians 3:20, “For our citizenship is in heaven, for which we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,” implying we do not have true citizenship on earth. Another similar idea comes out through Colossians 3:2, “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” At the time, I had nothing to say to this, but it seemed skewed and disjointed from everything else we do in this present physical life. It seemed like we pick and choose what things are worthy of our time in this life as “strangers and pilgrims” and spiritualize those areas. We create a spectrum of extremes with heavenly citizenship, spiritual things, and Christ on one end and earthly citizenship, physical things, and Caesar on the other. These are the areas I had to wrestle and answer well if I were to enter the military as a Christian. I wanted to meet the objections of the conversation, but it also sparked further questions in my mind.

As we wrapped up the conversation, one last thing was mentioned: What if I am ordered to shoot innocent women and children? I replied that I hoped to have the courage to stand up to such atrocities, regardless of the cost. Hopefully, I would know when to do this and be willing to follow my ethical system laid down by God, even if it means court marshalling, imprisonment, or death.

Today, I have more understanding of the moral systems structured in the military and the opportunity soldiers do have in objecting to a command enforced upon them by their superior officer. Setting Hollywood and media aside, I am beginning to see that the military, especially the marines, are built upon virtues and attempt to fight for the good. The more people I talk to concerning the military attest to its drive for right conduct. Even the application process (politics aside) to become an officer seems to heavily emphasize the highest character. This means they even want to know whether I was ever involved in a fight in high school. All of this plays into what they look for in a leader. I know the military is flawed; I will be subjected to commands and decisions that will require discernment before God and country. However, this is no reason for me to abstain from service. If we all abstained from moral dilemmas, there would be no one there to fight for truth and justice. Along these lines, I recently heard of a friend’s brother—mature in the Faith—who, upon arriving at his new destination, found his whole group of soldiers deep in Bible studies. The implication is that he was expecting to be a loner with Christianity, yet he was put to shame by his fellow soldiers being sold out for Christ. I think we have more fear than truth in regards to the military.

There are stories of military experience on both extremes. Some people attest to pivotal, positive life change in the military and it being the best thing that happened in their lives. Others know people who have severely fallen and strayed in character and morals while doing their service. I find as I continue this military conversation that it is no different than any other environment concerning bad influences or good. I will need to be strong; I will need to trust God; I will need to trust the governing authorities; I will need prayer as any other warrior of Christ does as he lives in this world; I will need armor, training, and strength not of mine own nor of this world; I will need accountability and fellowship.

As I move toward more direct reasons supporting my choice for military service, consider these thoughts as a preface. There is a sense in which I trust the US government and those who make decisions on the policy side. This comes from a personal, intimate rubbing of shoulders with some of the influencers in and around the D.C. area. There are many there who are doing outstanding jobs in the arena of politics on Capitol Hill. These are people who fight on my side and on the side of those reading this paper. In a sense, I feel the need to be optimistic and trust in the current government. Am I naïve with the covert, unethical inner-workings of the government? Probably, but I know man is foundationally evil, and there are many evil men and women in power. They will be in the military, and their decisions will impact my life, as they do in the civilian realm. However, I do think the opposite question needs to be raised: Are there any unknown, active men and women fighting for truth, justice, and right decisions? I think so. Therefore, I must trust God and those in authority over me to make right decisions. I only mean to express there is a fight for power, and the evil side has not yet won. There is still a remnant—to use Biblical terms. I may be optimistic about our government, but I hope to communicate some thought to show reasonable understanding what awaits me. There is anticipation of wrestling with profoundly different ideologies.

In general, I am trying to prepare for the worst and fight for a fallen world that needs the redemption of the Gospel. This time of my life will not be fun. In fact, I am realizing the weight of such a task and the responsibility it will require. Finally, in all of this tension, I understand the temporality of the US constitution, government, and power. It may all pass away or be destroyed. However, the US is a good thing, and I will fight for it. I will be mindful and need to be a “chastened patriot,” as Jean Bethke Elshtain calls it.² Basically, without spoiling what is coming later, a chastened patriot is one who knows the tensions of being a Christian in a fallen world. As Augustine says, heavenly citizens make the best earthly citizens.³ They know where the highest patriotism should lie, but understand responsibilities on this earth for life until heaven. Now, I am getting ahead of myself.

Main Reasons for Military Service

God’s Will and Guidance. I believe military service to be a necessary step in my walk with God. I believe I will grow in fear of God. I sense I will grow in wisdom and understanding. Will it be fun? Probably not. To have fun or be happy is not the reason I am doing this. I know there will be good times and bad, fun and misery, pride and humiliation, strength and weakness. In short, this is something I must do. I consider it no different, in terms of choice and life, than going off to college, starting a job, or getting married—all have great weight and consequences to them. I also think that we place more weight on certain decisions and not enough on others. For example, we would think that a bigger decision is who to date, and a smaller one is what drink to buy at the store. I believe God is interested in both. The consequences can be devastating from both. Please don’t misunderstand me. I recognize there are certain explicit guidelines/wariness in the Word for certain situation and a seeming liberty in others. I will also examine some of those seeming guidelines concerning the military and government later. However, I consider military service to be just another way of life, with its own duties and responsibilities. I do not think it inherently contradicts Scripture or God. I think it will pose challenges and temptations just like any other way of life could. It may be more challenging in certain ways and less in others. I am doing the best I can to think before I act and implore my Holy Father for wisdom and guidance.

Serving in the military is not a sin. I have the freedom to serve or not. I choose to serve. I examine the consequences just as I do and should any other choice in my life. I am not in sin and, ultimately, think this decision to be the best decision I can make at this point and time in my life. It will be what God makes it, what the world, the flesh, and the devil make it, and what I make it. Strangely enough, it seems to be lining up with life as a whole.

Worthy Venture in This Present Dispensation. Although not for everyone, I think it is a valuable and needed experience. It teaches virtue and honor. It tries to protect what is good. Granted, military service may turn out to be destructive for some, may fail at protecting the good at times, or harbor vices, but these consequences only reveal what happens in a fallen world. Because we live in a fallen world, there is need, on a governmental level, to maintain just peace. This will always entail coercion. Evil is ever present. A government cannot sit by and expect to have peace without justice and retribution.

It seems to be both a desire and duty of mine. I want to serve in the military. Is it similar to my want and eating of Kettle-cooked chips? No, but it is similar to exercise. It has benefits; it will have troubles. I think it has components of which I deem to be good and profitable for my life and ministry. It is where I must go, need to go, and want to go.

Dad in the Air Force. I have long wished to talk with my father about his experiences with the military. I know he initially enlisted because otherwise he would have been drafted, but I wanted to discuss with him what aspects of his service he thought were valuable. If he were here, my decision may be different. Since he is not, there is a sense in which I desire to follow in his footsteps. I admired my dad in many ways, especially in his ability to communicate with most people. He had many vast experiences that linked him to diverse people. Let’s just say that I might not be considering the military if Dad had not served. I know that’s bad grammar, but it seems the best way. I would be naïve if I ignored that my grandfather served in the Marines, Dad in the AF, and my brothers have always talked about the military. I know I am influenced in some way by these things.

Becoming Debt-free. There are many ways to escape debt. Why this one? Given all the other reasons, this just adds to them to make it a good choice for this time in my life. If my debt were paid prior to service or if it did not exist at all, would I still think it necessary to serve? I believe so. In general, I think military is an essential experience to my life. However, I also need to be responsible with the debt I have incurred up to this point from my attending Bryan College. Since I am done with school for this stage in my life, I want to get out of debt quickly and pay my mother back for the amount she has helped me with.

There are other ways to a debt-free state. I have considered nursing. I have considered simply working at the Writing Center for several years. Getting paid according to my degree is valuable and profitable. Also, just working at any job is a very good way. However, if military service is to take place in my life, it needs to happen now.

I see no problem allowing taxpayers to pay for my debt. This is the way the government is set up at the moment. However, for the record, when I decided to go the officer route, I anticipated no college repayment programs. I would simply use my salary to pay back the loans both in my name and my mother’s. Hence, I was not irresponsibly relying on the military to take my debt and deal with it. In other words, getting salary through the military is just like salary from any other job. But, now that I’ve done more research and if I go with the Marines as an officer, there is a program to cover the debt in my name (roughly a third of my total college debt); the other two-thirds will come out of my salary. There is incentive to have my loans paid off, but this does not mean I am being lazy or irresponsible with financial management. I don’t believe being in debt is sinful,⁴ and using the military as a means out of debt is not wrong either. I do believe my debt needs to be addressed and responsibly handled.

Foundational Preparation for Life and Ministry. When I ask older men about the military and whether they served, I get some thought provoking answers. If they did serve, they are thankful that they did. If they didn’t, they generally regret it. I haven’t asked too many younger people this, so it may be a matter of what things were fought for in the past and a difference in what is fought for in the present. It is true that to a degree there is a difference between say WWII and Vietnam. I am still confused about Vietnam, but people were generally less willing to see value in fighting in Vietnam as opposed to WWI or II. At this point, my understanding of the Iraq war is growing and I see more moral foundation for fighting than ever before. With these differences in mind, the fact still stands that older, wiser, Godly men saw and still see some sort of value in military service. Because of this, I simply want military service (not necessarily war) to be a part of my life.

Another point to this section is that I want to know what kind of people make choices to serve in the military. I would like to rub shoulders with this demographic, because I believe there will be need in future ministry to understand and speak to that type of life. Please trust me in that I know I can’t experience all walks of life; I don’t plan to. However, military life is important to me. In general, I am curious to know people in the military and what drives them.

Learn Fighting and National Defense. My faith in the stability of this country and world is not strong. America is crumbling from the inside out. We deceive ourselves by living in this great country or with its benefits and not recognizing the powers of evil that are held at bay. I am grateful for this country. Therefore, I feel the need to see a glimpse of what is happening on the international front of the US and be of service. I don’t want to ignore the crumbling and be a coward.

We fool ourselves if we think a good image of a hero is always a pop star or Hollywood actor. Some may be. In general, however, Americans have lost true heroism and need to reconsider their respected ones. Am I saying that I am a hero or will be a hero? No. I am simply opting to pattern my life after the true heroes of this world. What does a true hero constitute? I believe those of history and of truth; those of Hebrews 11 and Foxe’s Book of Martyrs; those of sound faith serving the local church and missions abroad; those in the academy or in suffering communities the world over; those who fight human trafficking or merely care for the next-door neighbor; those who exercise self-control in a world riddled with pleasure and those who know what life is all about; those who know the Gospel and virtue and who fight vice. I think it’s interesting that the best stories in history are made of courage and valor, death and rescue. Yet it seems today we only read, hear, or watch the stories and never desire to partake. This whole endeavor is to know what is important in life, so that I may know God and reality and pass it along to others.

Reasonable Explanation. The above are only reasons that can be pinpointed. There will always be reasons that I forget or fail to mention. Pascal says, “The heart has reasons that Reason does not know.” This is also presuming that the will of God for my life can be expressed through Reason. I believe Reason is a helpful tool with which to discern life’s choices. Romans 12:2 states, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” This merely sheds light on the need to use our mind to understand the workings of God. An emphasis on reason, understanding, and the mind is also shown through the greatest commandment found in Deuteronomy and reiterated in the Gospels by Jesus. We cannot forget that the Bible itself is written with logic, and Christ himself is called the Logos. Reason, in my opinion, is epistemologically linked with Faith and cannot be divorced from Faith. John Paul II once wrote in the Blessing prefacing his encyclical letter, “Fides et ratio”:⁵

Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit rises to the contemplation of truth; and God has placed in the human heart a desire to know the truth—in a word, to know himself—so that, by knowing and loving God, men and women may also come to the fullness of truth about themselves (cf. Ex 33:18; Ps 27:8-9; 63:2-3; Jn 14:8; 1 Jn 3:2).

In conjunction with the conviction that God is leading me into the military or by saying that “this is God’s will,” I have the freedom, choice, and obligation to examine reasons for this directional choice. If all of these listed reasons would be counter-argued and proven false as a whole, I would probably still pursue the military. But, because this desire of mine has raised concern within family, friends, myself, and areas of Christianity, I want to speak to some of those objections and attempt to give reason for such a choice. I care deeply about what people say and think concerning me and my actions. I consider their thoughts to be as “iron sharpening iron;” they are needed and helpful even if they tear apart my soul.

Opposition Received from Christians

Waste of Time. A very close friend told me not long ago that “to choose to go in the military when there are more profitable things to do is probably not the wisest thing to do.” This reveals a lot about the person’s view of the military. If I thought service in the military would be a waste of time, I would try not to do it. However, this is not the case. As should be evident in the rest of this paper, I think it will be a valuable time of service on this earth before the Lord. I believe it is a walk of life allowed, like many other vocations are, by God’s word. The military has a pivotal role for life on this earth and is a necessary step in life for me. If vocations are going to be ranked, I will rank it equally with most other vocations like law enforcement, overseas missions, education, etc.

Fleshly Indulgence. A close friend considered military service to be a fleshly desire (i.e. sinful). It would have too much emphasis on testosterone, muscles, and fighting. I do not think military service would be a fleshly indulgence. In response to this, I think there needs to be distinction between physical desires and fleshly desires. If a physical desire is sinful as examined in Gal. 5 or other similar passages, then it is fleshly and sinful. If not, we have freedom to partake. The same person has said that to take a trans-Sahara trip, personally, would probably be fleshly. Would this not rule out a simple act of observing God’s beautiful creation or taking a rest. Rest can be a physical desire. Is it to be considered fleshly?

Christians Backsliding. This was briefly acknowledged above under History of the Idea. I know many (PW, Roy Lingerfelt, etc.) that did just the opposite. I feel God can and will use me in service for Him while I am in the military. My Associate Pastor, Lester Honson, has served and knows there is truth to this statement, but also thinks it is a great mission field. Again, there are stories all over the spectrum.

Heathen Perishing. Some say it is a waste of time when so many heathen are lost and on their way to hell. This is more of a theological issue than anything. Many reasons could be stated concerning this objection. I simply believe this objection is too narrow a view of what it means to reach the heathen.⁶

Legalism. I don’t think it follows that I will be legalistic if I serve in the military. First, while there is a certain way the military—especially marines—operates, I believe they have reason for doing it that way. This is my understanding so far from talking to various military people. Second, it is true that I work best with structure, but I can attest to much structure in my life prior to service in the military. The military will most certainly influence me in many areas, but I do sense an ability to discern structuralism and legalism. Even so, I know I have much to learn about the Christian life and legalism. Much of this renewing of the mind will come in the future and beyond the military. I trust the Lord to influence me in greater ways.

Recent Questions and Thoughts

Christianity and War. In Daryl Charles’ Between Pacifism and Jihad: Just War and the Christian Tradition, I found a basic understanding of a Biblical purpose of government and how I as a Christian can answer tough questions concerning dealing with military service, war, and killing.

What is the purpose of government? Charles examines Romans 13:1-7 as the central passage to understand that government exists orchestrated by God to reward good and punish evil. Here, a true, holistic view of peace is defined—a just peace. He claims peace will always be costly because evil is always present and justice always needs to be administered by the government. Charles says in regard to governing authorities:

Such is the plain and explicit teaching of the New Testament (Rom 13:1-10; I Pet 2:13-15). Not to resist or prevent evil deeds when they occur is to be complicit in those evil acts. This applies to individuals, who have a responsibility to their neighbor (such as the Good Samaritan did), to local and regional political structures as well as to the national and international community. To fail to respond to or prevent evil when we have knowledge or the power to do so is to be an accomplice in that very evil. Even a religious justification for nonengagement, namely, that God in his providence will make evil right in the end (which, in fact, he will do), does not release us from that obligation to resist evil.⁷

This is a summary passage of many different ideas he has discussed throughout the book. Charles speaks of neighborly love portrayed through the Good Samaritan and the second greatest commandment and says this may mean protecting them from a third party or evil. To not protect them when it is possible to is be a part of the evil. Also, when Charles states this is the explicit teaching of the New Testament, he is working from a long line of explanation that supports him beyond just a couple passages in Romans or I Peter. Thus, besides any other questions, the purpose of government (rightly ordered) is to be a sword of justice in this fallen world.

Does the purpose of government contradict what Christians are called to in this life—peace, will of God, love, salvation, the Gospel, etc.? Charles discusses this all throughout his book. He believes that on a personal level, people (Christians included) are not called to vigilante justice or any form of sword administration beyond self-defense. Loving the neighbor still applies but not beyond the personal level. On a personal, individual level, we are called to Matthew chapter five’s Sermon on the Mount. Charles says:

Matthew 5-7 is not intended to be a statement on the nature and jurisdiction of the state or the governing authorities. Its affinities are most closely with Romans 12:17-21, not Romans 13:1-7. In the sphere of the private, justice does not call for retribution. In the sphere of the public, where the magistrate is commissioned to protect and defend the common good, justice demands retribution.⁸

This distinction is helpful to me when wondering how I should act in response to evil encounters in this life. To know that there is great difference between a personal, private response to coercive force versus a recognized authority administering it is helpful. Really, most of the Bible is not a handbook on how government should be ordered. The Bible shows how individuals and communities can live in relationship to God and others. The things Charles brings out are that holistic justice is for the realm of the government and this does not contradict with the calling of Matthew five or other pacifistic passages.

Charles proceeds to point out that Christians—though called to limits with justice—still have the freedom to serve and be a part of the government and military. He recalls John the Baptist’s interaction with soldiers in Luke 3:7-14, where John did not tell them to resign from their post after repenting. Instead, he says in verse 14, “Do not take money from anyone by force, or accuse anyone falsely, and be content with your wages.” The next curious example of military service is when the Roman centurion is confirmed with great faith by Jesus in Matthew 8:5-13. Again, Jesus does not call the centurion out of the army but merely says in verse 13, “Go; it shall be done for you as you have believed.” Later in ministry when Jesus is confronted by the Pharisees, Jesus takes a coin of Caesar saying, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.”⁹ These three examples are Charles’ main tenets to support that Christians have Biblical freedom to serve and be a part of the government and military.

Now that I have the freedom to serve and understand what government is for, how do I justify killing for the government? Initially, I want to express there is no easy answer to this question. Also, I don’t and should never want to kill anyone, whether in the military or privately. I enter the military because I live in a fallen world; there will always be tension between love and justice, Caesar and Christ, earthly and heavenly, physical and spiritual, now and then, world and ecclesia. I do not want to kill, but it may happen as a soldier and need to attempt an explanation as a Christian. Charles explains this by referring to Martin Luther’s analogy:

A good doctor in extreme circumstances may be required to amputate or destroy a hand, foot, arm or leg due to disease. Viewed externally, this person would appear to be cruel and merciless. Viewed medically, the doctor wishes to cut off what is defective in order to save the body and work for the greater good. In the same way, argues Luther, the soldier fulfills his office by punishing the wicked, even when this means using lethal force. This serves the greater good of families and communities. If the sword were not employed to preserve the peace, everything in the surrounding world would be spoiled. Therefore, war “is only…a small misfortune that prevents a great misfortune.”¹⁰

Please understand this analogy assumes the person killed is in fact evil; assumes whoever I kill is evil; assumes the government I fight for is just in thinking and action; assumes the government’s foreign policy is rightly ordered. Too many times this is not the case. Most people understand this. I simply must say that I hope this never happens, but understand that it might and is essentially what I’m signing up for. Again, there is incredible tension laden in these words.¹¹

Luther and many others throughout church history understood the tensions of war and understood the Bible also. It is interesting that, with little exception, most acknowledge the soldier’s office as necessary in the world we live. Many also propose a “Just War” theory to drive coercive force, saying there needs to be criteria met before going to war, conduct in war, and restoration after war. This type of thinking is not new¹² and has even had direct impact on the way the US does war. Unfortunately, the US military is not perfect, nor am I.

Thus far, I have wrestled briefly with the purpose of government, how that meets me as a Christian, do I have the freedom to serve, and how can I kill. This seeks to show briefly I’ve thought about some of the theological ramifications of my choice to serve. As already mentioned previously, I want to be a chastened patriot and know what is required of me on this earth in this life. It is my duty and choice. Thus, I speak of my duties as an American but probably more broadly as a citizen of both Heaven and Earth. “These two citizenships entail both earthly and heavenly stewardship; they consist of both civic duties and the pursuit of another city.”¹³

Design. Much of my life has been spent in settings that are conducive and foundational to military training. I grew up in a village in a foreign country. I deal well with change and hardship. I have endeavored to “become all things to all men.” I am both athletic and sensible. I enjoy challenges. Besides, is it not better for a military leader to be a thoughtful Christian? Finally, I am a habitual person. I must be careful what I commit myself to, because I am a loyal soul. This is good, but I must still be careful. It takes me a while to make a decision, but once I make it, I am committed to it. These are just a few areas in which I feel pre-prepared.

Leadership and Christianity. Is it not better for a military leader to be a thoughtful Christian? Are there good examples of military leaders? Uriah in the Bible was humble. David was a great warrior, not to mention his Mighty Men. Let’s not forget Joshua. These are some Biblical, military men. As for others, the more ties I make with people in the military, the more I hear about great men of God. Finally, I would rather be a good, Christian soldier at this point than a good, Christian chaplain.

Officer? With a Bachelor’s degree, I qualify to possibly be an officer. I am beginning to think this is a duty of mine, since God has provided the way for me to be qualified (i.e. having gone to Bryan) and built up in the faith. I have specifically received training to think and lead in a modern and postmodern world. I am beginning to think that I do not have a choice in choosing between enlisted or officer. I have shied away from leadership positions for the past three years and now know I need to stand in boldness for the things to which God is calling me. If I were to enlist, I would not be actuating the gifts and abilities God has given me.

Combat or not? Once I made it past the above questions of whether I am allowed as a Christian to enter the armed forces, I needed to decide whether to be involved in combat, religion, or medicine. All three were viable options for me. I could be a chaplain but would not know intimately the life of a soldier. The same goes for being a nurse. It would be great training and experience, but still avoiding combat. This is from an officer perspective. If enlisted, I could be an equivalent to paramedic and be involved in combat. Thus to be specialized as an officer, religion or medicine would keep me from intimate combat warfare—the central occupation of the military.

What about Iraq? My opinion on the war in Iraq is rather ignorant. Any educated opinion of mine comes from a lecture I heard on this very subject.¹⁴ The main thing I took away from that lecture is the duty of the US to rebuild what it has broken. It is similar to a man going into a house to stop a fight and breaking many things in the process. He now has a moral obligation to do what he can do to fix what he broke. This analogy is similar to what has happened to the US; regardless of the origins of the war and all the history there and even if it was wrong for the US to enter Iraq initially, we now have a moral obligation to right what has been wronged.

There is much more I could delve into concerning Iraq (or Afghanistan, which is where I probably will end up), but I mainly want to show some fundamental reason supporting my possible involvement in Iraq. Obviously, the questions could keep going: Why go into Afghanistan? Why does the US foreign policy support going into the Middle Eastern countries and remain inert concerning other travesties happening in Darfur and the like? What is the role of the US in the world and is it not just being militaristic? At this point, I am remaining a bit optimistic about what goes on in Washington because I do know certain people there whom I highly admire. They are doing well and being vigilant. I am trusting they take care of their end, and I will do my best before God on my end. Again, there is a sense of simply supporting this government that God has set up according to Romans 12. Not seeing reason to rebel against the government, I see it my duty to support it. This allows me to take an active role in the military or government.

I am not serving because of Iraq. I am serving because I feel the need to serve in the military. At this point, I wouldn’t even care if I was a citizen of another country. I would like to say that I still desire to serve. Sometimes being an Israelite and having a mandatory two-year service contract sounds much better. Either way, I have more reason for supporting the war in Iraq than going against it.¹⁵

President Obama. While I would have desired to serve under a President with military experience, I find my possible allegiance to Obama as being no worse than what many other Christians since the time of Christ have had to face. In fact, my position pales in comparison. Whether Christians actively enlisted to serve under vile Roman emperors, kings, queens, etc. or whether they became Christians while in service, there were much greater areas of tension. Since I sense my choice before God is right and needed, I will serve with the best of my ability under Obama. Without going into the common areas of agreement with Obama, I feel it better to say there is nothing at this point that would warrant abstaining from service under him.

Marines?! There are three things I want out of the military: combat experience, officer leadership, and medical training. As I researched the branches of the military, I did not pay any attention to the Coast Guard or Reserves. Thus, Army, Navy, AF, or Marines were my only options. It seemed I could only get two out of three elements through any branch. My options were narrowed down to Army medic, Navy corpsman, AF pararescue, or Marines officer. The first three are enlisted, while the Marines is without medical training. I was stuck with deciding which aspect was least important. So far, medical training is something I will forgo. However, if I do not make it through the Marines, being a corpsman might be next on my list. Even then, I’m checking more into the Reserves as I type.

One other reason for the timing of the marines is my age. I would like to serve while I am still young. Since nursing did not work out this spring, I think it is now or never for the military. I could wait for another couple years to allow time to finish a bit lengthier nursing degree, but that would put me at a much older age. The military will be physically taxing, so I choose now.

Stupid bureaucracy. It seems the Army has the greatest amount of internal frustration, while the AF has the least. I don’t know where the Marines and Navy fall. At this point, it is something to consider, but it is not keeping me from service. I do tend to steer away from the Army for this reason. There will always be other bureaucratic issues throughout any governmental organization.

What drives me? Here are some notes I jotted in response to this question: What Dad did and didn’t finish. Contemporary Apologetics (a Bryan class) and John Stonestreet (the poster-child for Bryan). To be a voice for those who can’t be heard. I have a potential for anything. I must try many things before I become committed. These don’t necessarily explain what drive me into the military, just my life in general. Remember, they’re just notes, but the answers are revealing.

Conclusion

How would I attend to the Gospel and discipleship? Personally, I would like my best friends and mentors to see it as their responsibility to hold me accountable and pray for me during this time. It is a spiritual battle as well as a physical battle. I need all the support I can get. As a missionary seeks to be held accountable and directed by the local church, I would see my entrance to the military as a similar ordeal. It could potentially be devasting, nourishing, or merely a stage of life in which to enjoy God’s presence and endure the fight. It would be no different than that responsibility of taking “hold of the eternal life to which [I have been] called…” (1 Tim. 6:12). I have been called, in whatever walk of life I choose, to be salt and light. I must be in the world, not of the world. This is perfect opportunity to be among the heathen, lost, and fellow soldiers of Christ. I must be for the world as Christ was as I serve in this governmental position. I will need help in this endeavor.

On death and dying. What if I die? At this point, I sense much that God wants to accomplish through me beyond my service in the military. I am somewhat aiming for the chopping block in order to get through the military. I do know it will be its own little career, and I must be focused. Also, I understand that I may get wounded, permanently injured, or killed. The killing part does not really faze me—I know what life is about and have made the most of it. Becoming permanently injured is something I hope will not hinder further study or ministry. In fact, it may even help. Simply being wounded or enduring the brutal aspects of war—imprisoned by the enemy, tortured, shot, or victim of explosion—are the more frightful aspects that, to me, would have far-reaching emotional consequences. These are the aspects that make war terrible. I am more and more reluctant to be excited about the military simply because of what is at stake. It is sobering to anticipate the worst. In signing up, I am agreeing to the consequences, but that does not make it any easier. This is what I mean when I say I desire combat experience. I would hate to endure the experience at the moment, but it would be worth it in the end. This is similar to Heb. 12:11, “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but in the end it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” In the end, I will see more clearly and be more intentional about my life. My sovereign Father will still be high and lifted up.

Prayer. Most Holy Father, I am brought to gratitude and amazement as I step out on the back porch, under the shining of Your moon. My soul was calm and my mind clear as the night sky. You showed me the work of Your hand in my life and call me to follow Christ’s example. I feel Your guidance as I am His ambassador to every sphere of life. As I go into all the kosmos, grant me strength and boldness, understanding and love, that Your Gospel may be brought in Truth. I need urgency and fire to this, Father. I love You and want increasingly all my desire to be channeled to You. Your kingdom come and Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Maranatha! Lord, please come!

Research

The following list reveals papers written, conferences attended, books read, and wisdom sought concerning military questions:

• Wrote English paper on patriotism in the first year of Bryan College.

• Was the pro-side for a pacifism debate in Logic and Critical Thinking class. I had to argue that pacifism was a true, Biblical response to violence and war. I like to think that I won the debate…

• Response paper for the Bryan Center for Critical Thought and Practice on Just War.

• Read War, Politics and Power by Karl von Clausewitz. The following is a passage I can state in no other way, so I quote:

I believe and profess that a people never must value anything higher than the dignity and freedom of its existence; that it must defend these with the last drop of its blood; … that honor can be lost only once; … that a bloody and honorable fight assures the rebirth of the people even if freedom were lost; and that such a struggle is the seed of life from which a new tree inevitably will blossom…

In our times, struggle, and, specifically, an audacious conduct of war are practically the only means to develop a people’s spirit of daring. Only courageous leadership can counter the softness of spirit and the love of comfort which pull down commercial peoples enjoying rising living standards. Only if national character and habituation to conflict interact constantly upon each other can a nation hope to hold a firm position in the political world…

In my judgment the most important political rules are: never relax vigilance; expect nothing from the magnanimity of others; never abandon a purpose until it has become impossible, beyond doubt, to attain it; hold the honor of the state as sacred…

The time is yours; what its fulfillment will be, depends upon you…¹⁶

• Read parts of The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien.¹⁷ This is a book of semi-true war stories from Vietnam; the stories are not candy-coated.

• I wrote letters to Os Guinness, Probe Ministries, Faith for Freedom Foundation, Dr. Daryl Charles, Mr. Corlew, Ravi Zacharias, and others explaining some questions of mine concerning military service. The best answers I received were from Dr. Daryl Charles and Mr. Corlew. I asked questions like: What do I do with a feeling of duty towards service in the military? How does this line up with Christianity and the Bible? Is Iraq a just war? What is internally happening with the military? Is it a wise choice? What are resources to help me with these questions?

• Listened to “The Ethics of the US Exit in Iraq” by Gerard Powers.¹⁸ He is Director of Policy Studies at the Kroc Institute for International Peace Studies at the University of Notre Dame. Are we to be in Iraq? Yes. I expound more on this under What about Iraq?.

• Read Between Pacifism and Jihad: Just War and the Christian Tradition by Daryl Charles. Charles deals with a historical perspective of the military and war in church history. He finds that Christians have, for most of history, served in military forces like the Roman army. This finding is contrary to most thought on church history today. Also, many Christians, theologians, and historians think that the church fathers specifically forbade service in the military because of pacifistic ideals. Charles shows otherwise through specific quotations and logical reasoning of many church fathers and proceeds to explore pacifisms roots in scripture. Overall, I found Charles answering most of my questions concerning war and Christianity.

• Read “The War Prayer” by Mark Twain. This short story explores what it means when Christian parents pray for their children to be successful in soldierly duties and war. It is thoughtful.

• Talked to countless individuals and friends at conferences, work, or homes concerning this endeavor of mine.

• Read “Distinguishing Just War from Crusade” by Daniel Heimbach. He is Professor of Christian Ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, NC. He was very helpful as a person, though terrible at eye contact. Either way, his paper explores in a more succinct way than Dr. Charles’ book the origins of Just War and how it is different than Crusading.¹⁹

• Ari Sigal, the library director at one of my jobs, has also been a valuable mentor during the last several months. He has knowledge and wisdom concerning current events and even desired to serve back in the day. He has also been taking it upon himself to make me aware of what I will face in the Marine Corps. I am grateful for this and see it as an answer to prayer.

1 I know one could say that in comparing freedom to my father’s death, I wanted to actuate the death of my father in order to understand life without him. In other words, I wanted to impose upon myself something that I had only learned via an experience outside of my control. For example, a few years later my brother revealed this distinction as we were loading our motorcycle onto a trailer. I said that in serving I wanted to know intimately the suffering of others in order to speak to that suffering and understand it according to the Gospel. I knew how much I had learned through the suffering and death of my father and now wanted to impose more upon myself through experience with the armed forces. My brother exposed the distinction between something happening to me outside of my will and willfully choosing to take part in something similar. He had a point. I was even talking about simply being a nurse in the military and what aid that would be for identifying with suffering in the future and learning to deal with those situations from theological standpoint. So, my desire to experience the cost of freedom for a more complete picture was not wholly accepted since it was a conscious choice, as opposed to being drafted or something like that.

2 Charles, J. Daryl, Between Pacifism and Jihad: Just War and Christian Tradition (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), 80.

3 Ibid., 40-45.

4 I can expound on this scripturally, if I need to. Key passages would be Deuteronomy 15:7-11, Matthew 5:42, Luke 6:34, Romans 13:1-8, etc. It must also be justified in our present economic context.

5 The Vatican, “Fides et ratio, Ioannes Paulus PP. II,” IntraText SC, http://www.vatican.va/edocs/ENG0216/__P1.HTM.

6 At this point, I do hold to more of a new dispensational view of scripture than a covenant view. We seem to be in the end times, but I have no idea how long the end times endure. I do not think it is wise to apply a “ticking shot clock” to the Christian worldview. As with evangelism, the model for reaching the heathen should not be driven by an elevator analogy—get them saved in under 30 seconds before the doors open to the next floor. Christ worked through discipleship; sometimes that takes time to accomplish, and there are many other things done in the process. Christ waited for about 30 years before he began to reveal his purpose. Paul could’ve been in his 40s. Timothy was young; so were some of the disciples. All of these examples are simply that—examples, not prescriptions of age or timetables for ministry. It is important for souls to be saved and redemption of time. Good stewardship is needed. Let’s just be consistent with how we spend our time. With a view of not serving in the military in order to save the heathen, everyone might as well give up getting married or preparing in any way for missions in order to save as many heathen as possible. There are always personal preferences for time management. We even get the four spiritual laws from Bill Bright who had a “ticking shot clock” view of the world. Additionally, this position assumes a certain definition of a heathen and seems to miss the fact that the heathen are even in the military. The heathen could also be met by being in the military. I would include many people and groups in Western Civilization as being heathen, not just the normal “tribal person” image that heathen conjures up. This is based on my understanding of Romans 1, my study of worldviews, and general acquaintances in Western countries. Just as we will have the poor with us always, we should reach the heathen all of our lives until His return. We should not slack, but remember even Christ did other things than just reach the heathen. “Love the Lord your God with [everything].” This leaves a bit more room on which to spend time than just reaching the heathen.

7 Between Pacifism and Jihad, 112.

8 Ibid., 96-97.

9 Matthew 22:21.

10 Between Pacifism and Jihad, 51.

11This attests to how important leaders are to a government; how important ethical, sound judgment is to the minds of those leading; how important is the right kind of government being used.

12 Ask me for the paper by Daniel Heimbach I note in my Research section.

13 Between Pacifism and Jihad, 82.

14 Gerard Powers, “The Ethics of the US Exit in Iraq.” (podcast, Word for Word on American Public Media, City Club of Cleveland, 4 Jan. 2008).

15 This is probably one of the more important issues discussed in this paper, given my decision is already made to serve in the marines. It is one I am pursuing more as I type.

16 Clausewitz, Karl von, War, Politics, and Power, A Gateway Edition (Chicago: Regnery Gateway, Inc., 1962), 301-304.

17 O’Brien, Tim, The Things They Carried (New York: Broadway Books, 1990).

18 Gerard Powers, “The Ethics of the US Exit in Iraq.” (podcast, Word for Word on American Public Media, City Club of Cleveland, 4 Jan. 2008).

19 Just ask me for the paper, if you want to read it.

Eight nineteen

Last night was pleasant. When there is nothing pressing, I can sometimes do just about anything. I worked on my military paper (soon to come) till 9 at CVCC, read another chapter out of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance over at Barnes and Noble, then returned home for the evening. Thankfully, I had not driven my new (1985) Honda 700 Interceptor that night, for it was frigid. I hopped in the Tahoe and began to think of bed. Well, that didn't happen. I got home and decided to change the plugs on the Interceptor. One thing led to another, and soon it was 3 am. I had explored many parts of bike, painted a couple rust spots, broke a bolt clean off that holds the front part of the tank on, and arranged a small tool kit for the trip this weekend to Florida. Washing my hands upstairs, I decided to clean the bathroom sink. Since I had the Scrubbing Bubbles out, the bathtub needed washing also. I had just finished shaving and needed a shower, so I scrubbed the tub. It was 4:30 before I hit the sack. But no problem, I could sleep in, or so I thought. At 8:19, Laura, my boss, calls to wonder if I'm coming in to work. What? Crap, I was supposed to sub for Karen this morning. I tell Laura I'll be right in. So there it is. What a great night it was, and now it is a great day.